The Simple Woman’s Daybook ~ December 29th
~ Do stop by Peggy’s for all the Daybook links this week. ~
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FOR TODAY
The 28th day of December 2009
Outside my window is the stillness of the night. The air is crisp.
I am thinking about my resolutions for 2010.
I am thankful for chocolate chip cookies and milk! 
We are off this week in the learning room.
From the kitchen is the smell of chicken and dumplings simmering on the stove.
I am wearing fuzzy pink socks.
I am creating a prayer table.
I am going to be kind to myself.
I am reading Going Rogue.
I am hoping that my next mammogram on Wednesday will be okay.
I hear my son singing when he thinks no one is listening.
Around the house are children from other mothers — my 2nd children — their home, too.
One of my favorite things is the Haight Ashbury sandwich and a Poinsettia drink at Liza’s Kitchen.
A few plans for the rest of the week: A skate boarding competition tomorrow. Just me, my books, my coffee, and my blanket.
Here is picture for thought I am sharing (based on the movie a saw this past week) …
Dealing with Hateful People
“Quality of life depends on what happens in the space between stimulus and response.” ~ Stephen Covey
We have all encountered these lost souls. I personally equate hateful people to the grade school bully. You know the one – he or she cuts everyone else down to make himself or herself feel better. They actually have the audacity to go out of their way to be hateful toward another human being. It’s a dominance trait and it’s ugly. Mostly because when we get down to the bare bones of reality, they are no better than the person they have been attempting to destroy. I am dealing with this same sort of ugliness as we speak. It takes every fiber of my being (which is exhausting) not to slam her back. If I did, then what would that make me?
A little back story: I offended her. I didn’t mean to offend her. She demanded an apology and since I do not have her phone number, I emailed an apology to her. Of which, she didn’t have the courtesy to read. Why demand something if you are too cowardly to acknowledge it when you do receive it? Maybe because she wanted to ‘control’ me – pull the strings of a puppet, or so to speak. After 6 weeks, I resent it via another venue, and that’s when the attacks began again – for the 3rd time .
She is just a hateful woman. I cannot believe that one person could have that much anger pent up inside of her. She said she was willing to leave well enough alone, but I couldn’t. Huh? I sent a freakin’ apology that she requested. Maybe she gets her jollies out of engaging in destructiveness. What is the purpose of choosing to slam another human being continually? What intrinsic value does she gain? Further, what does she think she’s doing to me by being ugly? She’s just making herself look foolish, which is what she accused me of doing in the first place. I certainly do not have the stamina nor the patience to indulge her in a battle hillbilly wits.
So how does one deal with hateful people? Unfortunately, wishing them away won’t work – believe me when I say, I tried. Here are some suggestions penned by Diana Lynn (with my own comments interspersed):
- Don’t take it personally. This isn’t easy. Some people are just hateful. Their hateful behavior has nothing to do with you. One of the worst things you can do is to start wondering what YOU did. Usually, nothing. Hateful people are hateful regardless of your actions. It is wise to steer clear of provoking them, but their poor behavior is their choice. (My 1st mistake is trying to reason with the unreasonable)
- Be calm and quiet. Defensive outbursts serve no purpose. When you’re enduring hateful behavior just be quiet and remain calm. Breathe deeply. (I really, really want to defend myself and I did initially, but no more – this was mistake #2)
- Be professional. Retaliation is the urge to fight or defend yourself …. It empowers the hateful person. By achieving number one, not taking it personally, you can maintain a professional demeanor more easily. (Ugh! Mistake #3 – trying to reason, only empowered her)
- Measure your response. When and if you do respond, make sure it’s very calculated. A well thought out reply or response is always better than some off the cuff remark. Think carefully and clearly about your response. Consider the risks and rewards of your response. Give serious consideration to using no response as your response. Weigh all your options carefully. (The final email, I just told her I intended to apologize and I did what I intended to do – I did not leave myself open for further attacks – she can hardly retaliate to that. Update: She reported this last email as SPAM which got me shut down temporarily)
- Let go. (And this I will do. I will read her emails, but I will refrain from responding because it’s obvious she never truly wanted an apology – just a virtual punching bag)
The 90/10 Principle within Quadrant II dictates that 10% of life is made up of what happens to us. 90% of life is decided by how we react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. I need to take the time to reflect upon the stimulus (her attacks on me based on an unfounded fear of losing her husband) and then proactively choose a response that demonstrates my own integrity. How I choose to react to what happened will make all the difference.
What I really wanna do is rip off her head and spit down her neck (if I feel satisfied, I might just place her head back on her neck – out of kindness). That was my initial response to her attacks – fight fire with fire. However, my final response reflected my intentions – to apologize for offending her. Whether she chooses to accept the apology or not is not my within my c
ircle of concern and by extension, circle of influence.
If all else fails, I have a VooDoo doll from New Orleans that I just may have to put to good use! =]
Reflection
One of the concepts that I like the most about education is the reflection process. It one of those universal tools. I went home to try to put some distance between myself and my current situation (i.e. a marriage that is at best, floundering; at worst, downright torturous).
I came into a lot of clarity about what I wanted once I was able to put the situation into perspective. I decided that I needed to follow through with the separation, do whatever I needed to do in order to keep my boys in the private school, realign my financial situation (i.e. improve my credit), continue with the teaching gig, and then perhaps purchase a 2 bedroom condo on the beach.
And then the unthinkable happened. My ex-husband, whom I have not seen in 19 years, decides to apologize for hurting me so long ago. It was the most sincere and heartfelt apology I have ever received. And in the midst of it all, an instantaneous hazing over of my previously cleared head.
So now that I am back at home, I must embark upon another self-reflection. What should I do that will maintain my integrity and sense of purpose? The day-to-day rhthym of life is interfering once again. I have decided to go on a ‘fast’. It’s not the typical fast in which calories are not consumed. Rather, it is known as the Orange Juice Diet/Fast.
Organic oranges provide enough of the nutrients needed forto maintain cellular production. Cells are cleansed and given a good dose of energy in the form of minerals. I will consume approximately 4 organic oragnes (juiced) at *a,, 10am, noon, 2pm, 4pm, and 6pm. I will follow each ‘meal’ with brushing my teeth and then 6-8 oz. of water.
I will document my progress here each day to include physical symptoms, emotional awarenss, energy, and clarity of mind.
Independence or Dependence?
“True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal.” ~ Stephen Covey
Today I learned that I must make the effort to schedule and prioritize my life, rather than scheduling life around circumstances and people. I can visualize what I should be doing and it makes complete sense.
I think I have been trained by the military to respond when you are summoned. Therefore, this mentality has seeped its way into the crevices of *my* life.
In order to grow from this experience, and move from dependence to independence and onward to interdependence, I must begin to do what I know is right. Tonight, I will make a concerted effort to schedule my life. Everything else will have to fill in wherever there is space.
This reminds me of a little experiment I did with the primary children at church called, Making Room for What’s Important:
Materials:
- Jar – represents the amount of time we have available for one week.
- Rocks – represent the important things that must be tended to in our lives.
- Pebbles – represent little tasks that could add up to some sort of significance, but not usually.
- Sand – represents “twaddle”
- Water – amount of time to sleep
You must put these items in the jar in a particular order for them to all fit. Mix up the order and not everything will fit. And so it goes with our priorities in life. We must insure we do the big things first. If we do, the small things fit in fine… What are these?
- Values or Life Purpose
- Weekly goals that coincide with my life purpose
- External events that I have no control over
- *Me Time*
- Pebbles in life
As I move through the week, my intention is to move from dependence upon life’s events to independence ~ living my life on purpose.
Determined
This has been an interesting week. And it’s only just begun. I seem to be experiencing an insatiable drive to do more. I know, I know … I already do too much. But really, I want to live my life with purpose. Sometimes I feel as though I am spinning my wheels, and I just need to do more.
Anyway, I am currently making plans for a thesis that I will be embarking upon within the next year or so. I will be called ‘Doctor’ although it will not be the kind that saves people. Well, maybe not in the traditional sense of saving people.
I have been trying to find a job, but to no avail. I have two issues that are pushing my back up against a wall: over-qualified (meaning I have too much education — whatever that means) and lack of work experience (meaning I have been at home with the Village People doing really important work, IMHO, but potential employers do not see it that way.
Then, there’s the book writing issue. I have so much going on in my head, and I really need to get it down on paper. It’s on my ‘To Do’ list. Yeah, right! I am writing for BellaOnline again after a 4 month break. Days of Our Lives is not really an important topic, but it allows for some creative release for me. When a person spends his or her days at home, there is a feeling of worthlessness that comes along with the territory. So, I look for other outlets where I can connect with others, either through my writing or through commentary.
So last night, I was monitoring Loggerhead Turtle nests and the second one I came upon was ready to hatch. It was the most energizing and amazing sight. The lights from the endless row of condos and tourist attractions sent them crawling in the wrong direction. We waited until they had crawled about 30 feet, then scooped them up and took them to a darker point on the beach for a re-release. They were still disoriented and required a lot of coaxing to head towards the water. One little determined guy just kept coming back out. Finally, we had to physically take him out past the break and release him. I don’t think he’ll survive.
So what is/are my purposes?
- To reach the top educationally speaking (as so many didn’t think I could do anything at all — and yes, I must prove them wrong)
- To create a better life, financially speaking, for my children (they have so much, but I want more for them)
- To enrich the lives of others through writing (they can escape with me)
- To aid in the cycle of life for all critters within the Oceanic Biome
Excelsior!
Raw Food Journal Day 2
Nothing new today. I ate the following (in no particular quantity, since it really doesn’t matter to a raw foodie):
Breakfast
Nut Smoothie (mix in a blender: almonds or sunflower seeds, banana, figs, tahini, sea salt, water, ice)
Snack
Figs & OJ
Lunch
Salad with cold pressed olive oil
Snack
Blood Oranges
Dinner
Salad with cold pressed olive oil
Lost: .4 pounds
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